courageous heart make change

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courageous heart make change

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This past month, I had the opportunity to deal with some real life growth which is not always easy. It was an strenuous spring  here in Montreal, with the weather moving up and down and all around.  I was feeling unsettled, unsure, and often frustrated. Blaming the weather I said “This will pass when summer arrives…”  Well summer was coming, and the weather improved and still I felt heavy, confused, irritable.  I had done my spring cleanse, and my body was feeling healthy and strong, but my heart felt something else. What I didn’t realize that all I was feeling:  the inner tension, the doubt and anxiety was a in fact due to that I was not centred, that I was  not honouring my truth.  I knew I feeling unrest in my heart, but couldn’t locate the source, and kept finding excuses to take the blame. It wasn’t until my partner called me out on my unhappiness and how it was effecting him that I woke up to what was really happening.  I will admit that I was not the easiest camper to be around and I am so grateful for his tough dose of love that woke me up. When I realized that  my discontent and unhappiness was spreading into and effecting my most important relationships, I knew I had to sit with myself and find the courage to uncover what I wasn’t letting myself see. I was rushing around so much that I wasn’t taking the time to fully show up for myself in the same way that I try to teach others how to do. I had overwhelmed myself with responsibilities outside of myself that I had forgotten how to honour what I really needed. So that’s what I did. I stopped, I sat, I started meditating again. Sitting in led meditations, sitting in self-practice facing what was moving inside my heart.  Not allowing myself to be distracted by mastering advanced asana or fancy transitions, but diving into the depths of my heart one breath at a time. As a yoga teacher, it is my job to teach what I practice, and to practice what I teach. To show up with integrity and share that which I know, which resonates with me, and to hold space for others to do the same so as to become more alive, more loving and more authentic.  A dear friend of mine told me “Andrew, you have to do what you ask your students to do, honour your heart, choose what serves your well-being first.” It became so clear, my decision had been made, but bringing it into action was the hard part.

Change is never easy, especially when it requires having difficult conversations with others, or removing yourself from relationships that up until that point proved to be healthy and supportive. The part where I wanted to run away and not follow through, couldn’t someone else have that conversation for me?! Nope. Not this time. Stand up rooted in you heart and use courage.  And that’s what I did. I sat and meditated, I grounded myself, I found my breath, I felt my heart and I had the conversation from a place rooted in honesty and love. And YOU KNOW WHAT?! It was ALL OKAY! It was received as I intended and responded to with equal amounts of love and honesty and care, and I am more truthfully following my path and honouring my heart.  Living my practice.

I am so grateful for the support of the nourishing and heart based realtionships I have, as they encouraged me to step into my courageous self and start to take action to create the changes I was longing for. The feeling I have now is unbound by fear and doubt, I feel opened to a familiar but almost forgotten part of myself,  abundant and available.

In closing, I will share another quote that my inspiring friend sent to me at just the perfect moment which perhaps you might find useful as well.

“Some periods of our growth are so confusing that we don’t even recognize that growth is happening. We may feel hostile or angry or weepy and hysterical, or we may feel depressed. It would never occur to us, unless we stumbled on a book or a person who explained to us, that we were in fact in the process of change, of actually becoming larger, spiritually, than we were before. Whenever we grow, we tend to feel it, as a young seed must feel the weight and inertia of the earth as it seeks to break out of its shell on its way to becoming a plant. Often the feeling is anything but pleasant. But what is most unpleasant is the not knowing what is happening […] Those long periods when something inside ourselves seems to be waiting, holding its breath, unsure about what the next step should be, eventually become the periods we wait for, for it is in those periods that we realize that we are being prepared for the next phase of our life and that, in all probability, a new level of the personality is about to be revealed.” ~ Alice Walker

warrior heart

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only the strong can stand tall on uneven ground and hold space for others to rise up. the warriors of the community are the heroes of whom we have come to depend on.

the responsibility of each heart to be strongly connected to their purposeful presence is the starting point.

a mind interrupted, a story unplanned. where does mapping territory end and new discoveries begin?

she calls home with a shell and waits for birds to soar. all these years of growing have sent her long messages of yes and no and right and wrong. when her time to just feel alive (which cannot be measured or qualified) is taking new form. unaware of the eagle who looses feathers as an act of giving, she sails east and the sun is with her.

from a distant island she hears horses singing and all her fingers feel tingled. pine cones and sea salt, swords falling and ash. Oren is with them now, she knows and this creative colouring of maps of timelessness and representation of her journey have somehow taken precedent. the rain could bleed all colours together and mix her tears with the ocean. this time has not changed it is her who has changed.  when all this while each eyelash has been protecting her vision from the collection of grime, her heart has been holding on. onto a dream. onto a hope. onto the only thing that she thought she knew.

now we rise. now we dance. now we hear the stars exchange.

we are in a point of realization that can break old habits and allow us to stand face to face and say what we really to say, and listen to what may be difficult to hear. in honour of ourselves and each other, we must become warriors of the heart. warriors of the sun. to uphold a life of growth and co-creation we must learn to be peaceful in disagreement and compassionate in misunderstanding.

how can i allow you the presence of peace work we seek within, between and surrounding?

this is the true plan. the true giving. only can this be done through patience and practice.

please understand or hear me.

it is a deeply personal choice, a surrender to the deep calling to live a life of highest value, of meaningful, purposeful action. starting within the individual and spreading into a supportive community.

we do this self work with the reflection of community. there will be interruptions – we must find forgiveness, there will be failures – we must find acceptance, there will be violence – we must find compassion. this is not a destination but a journey of grace we are seeking to enliven with breath, with awareness, with choice. we have this ability, the intelligence of the heart which can guide the mind and the body the live more consciously. with integrity, commitment, strength and an ever expanding sense of support, connection and life.

soar high eagle, leave feathers behind to mark the path. we are with you. you are headed in the right direction. trust.

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